After Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, they were filled with knowledge. This knowledge was of good and evil, and they were cognitively and spiritually brought to a lifelong cross road of good and evil. This is why they hid and clothed themselves. In short, they saw and felt the possibility of not being loved as they are. I could go into this on many different levels and down several avenues, but what I realize strikes me most about Adam and Eve’s reaction to the Fall is how insecure they were in their bodies. They were afraid of being seen, and they were ashamed of themselves. I have always felt this effect of the Fall. I have had a hard time feeling accepted for the way I look physically and for my personality. We all feel this effect in one way or another, I believe. I had an outstanding experience early in my college years where I tangibly felt God’s grace relieve me from years of heart-wrenching, self-destructive physical insecurities. Sometimes I forget that He showed me His mercy, love, and truth so clearly some short years ago and that, to this day, I do not suffer as deeply as I once did. But, although I believe He healed me, I am still a fallen human who can choose God's will one moment and choose against it the next. What I mean by that is: I can choose to follow His commandments or not, and I can also choose to believe His truth about myself or not. The new titles I have, namely “wife” and “mother”, stir up new challenges in my life, and they call me to be much more selfless than I ever have had to be. With this new territory comes fears and, in all honestly, failure. I can't help but feel ashamed and insecure at times, and I can allow it to cripple me. So, I have decided to work toward self-love in these times of self-doubt. I must recall that, despite my human nature, I am more than I sometimes believe. Moreover, I need to love myself to really let others see and love me. I need to remember the truth and good that is in me and in others. So, I challenged myself to write down five things I wish to be better at, things I can slowly work on. And, I challenged myself to write down ten things I realize are good about myself. And here they are: My five and ten: 5 things I wish... -I was more organized -I was less self centered -I was less anxious -I was a better cook -I wish I showed more love to everyone 10 things I see as good... -I am beautiful -I am needed by my family (namely, Jake and Killian) -I am loved by God, family, and friends -I can learn -I love my family -I have succeeded in goals I have set for myself -I am frugal -I can write -I am funny -I am growing in patience and I have seen a difference It is pretty difficult to put the “good” out there for everyone to see. It seems ironic since we usually want people to only see our “good side”. Think about it – we wear makeup, we try not to act a certain way in front of people we want to impress, we pose for photos, …you get the point. This is what happened when Adam and Eve fell. They covered up. But, God made them beautiful - that never changed. He made them very beautiful, as a matter of fact; He saw them as “very good”. The same goes for us. So why is it so hard for us to tell people the good about ourselves? Because we don't want to be misunderstood or for the good in us not to be “good enough”. For Adam and Eve (and ultimately us) the knowledge of good mixed with evil gave the opportunity for the good to be distorted and misunderstood. Obviously, that's not right! Good is good! Truth is truth. We need to - I need to - live that truth. How can we seek to live in light of this? Seek the good that you were created in and for! What is the good in you? And, how can you grow? -Megan
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Megan & JakeHusband and wife who have a passion for their life of raising babies and trying to follow God's will. Archives
February 2017
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