Do you recall in my first post how I described some of the dust I kick around in my day to day life? Namely high utility bills and bugs in my house? Well the list has expanded exponentially since that post. Okay, maybe I am being terribly dramatic but I am beginning to feel like I cannot catch a break. I have been pondering the stress of buying a second car recently. Not because we need a second car or are actually looking into purchasing a second car but because I am afraid that we simply will not be able to ever afford one. I can't imagine adding another monthly payment to our tight budget. More car insurance, a possible car payment, another gas payment...I shutter. God must have been poking at my heart, giving me the opportunity to mentally prepare for the day when we would just have to buy a new car and not a second car, one to replace the only, single car we own. Unfortunately today is the day...or hopefully a few days from now (fingers crossed that I can make it to and from work tomorrow!). It seems eery to see that I have been thinking about how stressful this day would be and here it is. I struggle to understand what God's promptings upon my heart were asking me to do. I know I am suppose to simply trust Him. We always seem to make it through some how or another but my "trust" feels more like not reacting to the situation at all. I feel kind of numb like I am refusing to face reality because I don't want to shatter. A few weeks ago the new pay laws threatened my family with an unfavorable future and I started to panic. The day we found out the Gospel was, "Ask and you shall receive." I find that this theme must be turning these worrisome days in to a spiritual journey blessing. Trusting God and His mysterious ways is not easy for anyone. I for one have trouble with even knowing how to trust Him but I feel as though right now in these trying times (did I mention our heat doesn't work either?) I am called to ask God for help. I might not even know what he wants me to ask him for but I still must ask and be in relationship with him through prayer. I can ask him for the money to fix my house, or for a new car without financial strain, I can ask him to win the lottery and I can also ask him for the grace to accept his will and for the grace to unite my suffering with His. I can ask him for peace and for the grace to thank him for these trials because of the mysterious blessing they probably are, unknowingly to me. Oh God, you make beautiful things out of dust. Make something beautiful out of me and all my duties. Amen. Wearing Killian while he naps so he doesn't freeze to death in his crib.
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My apologies for taking a nearly three week sabbatical. My house is still a wreck from the signs of an over worked mama and her hard working, super tired husband and wild baby. We had a wedding this past weekend uniting two of our dear friends and hosted lovely visitors as well. I also had a fuller work week than usual.
What has mom life been like for me these past (almost) three weeks... We moved Killian to his crib! We started off attempting to sleep training using CIO but ended up being more gentle and he still has been doing well. Killian has also been chomping on some banana at dinner time the past few days and Jake is skeptical that the sugar is keeping him from getting to sleep at his usual 9:30 bed time. He has been waking up around 11:45, 2AM which is unusual and relentlessly crying until I nurse him. Aside from being horribly exhausted, I can tell it is what he needs right now and it won't be like this forever. My positive mindset in difficult times like those is to treasure the snuggles because one day I will miss them. Jake and I have been toying with the idea of getting a sitter some day soon. We have welcomed a bit of advice from friends encouraging us to step out alone for a quick treat to test the waters. Hopefully I can muster the courage soon because this mama needs a break and this couple needs a date! My fitness / health journey continues with this fun 15 day challenge by Mommy Trainer:
http://www.idealfit.com/mommy-trainer.list
The challenge truly pushed me to my potential and beyond. I am trying to follow her meal plan as well but as I find it a little repetitive and sometimes bland, I've mixed it up just a tad. I also had a bunch of milk (meaning from cows) in week one which i used in place of almond milk. I do feel good and I sweat like an absolute pig every day! I love the variety and quickness of her workouts and the challenge, although sometimes discourages me because knowing you're not that strong can be humbling, has been beneficial for me. Sunday I weighed in at 168.4. I am slowly going down, and getting stronger as I had hoped.
Baby is awake from his nap and it is time for me to run to my afternoon nanny job! Until next time... It's Friday again! Today has been a great day! As much as I wanted to start my exciting day off with my workout I was busy preparing for moms group. Instead I got a nice, energizing workout in after all the mamas and their cute boys left.
Today was a tough workout! Today is day 25 of my fitness and health journey and this workout certainly tested my limits. Yesterday I realized that a lot of fitness challenges advertise HIIT workouts so I questioned the trusty Google for some information. Turns out the fitness journey I have embarked on has "high intensity interval training" and I can attest that HIIT gives you a phenomenal workout. I have found that doing quick, intense workouts helps me to get a great workout without throwing in the towel. I believe the rapid change helps me complete a satisfying and challenging workout. Eating this week has been very challenging. I nanny part time for a great family but their pantry has so many tempting treats I often want to eat. Thankfully I can tell myself this food is not mine but being around the treats makes eating healthy at home harder. Needless to say I have eaten more carbs than I would have liked to, especially today. However, like I said in my first fitness Friday post, if I am successful 80% of the time that is something to be proud of. I also need to remind myself that eleminating carbs is not the method of diet I have chosen. I have slowly been trying to incorporate prayer into my health and fitness in a very casual manner and I must say I am more joyful in the midst of health and fitness challenges. Praying about my health and fitness has also encouraged me to bring all challenging aspects of my life to prayer. I am on a journey for sure! That is my update! And here are my numbers: Pre-Preg : 163 Six week PP: 175 Last week weigh in: 170 Today (Day 25): 169 (whoot whoot!) And here is Killian while I was exercising 😄 These past four months have been truly challenging for Jake and me. A turn of events with my previous job set us into a very difficult financial place and it seems that ever since then right when things seem to be manageable life throws another curve ball at us. We love our owning our home and Killian is our greatest gift. We adore being part of the Abbey community and I am blessed to have found an opportunity to financially support my family as well. But I have been angry for the past four months. I have been angry that all these things I love and I am happy to be blessed with seem to be burdens. They keep me from living the easy life I want to live and I find myself resentful and jealous of those who seem to be in an easier situation than Jake and I. I find myself angry at my husband for things beyond his control because my emotions tell me that all this stress is falling on my shoulders and mine alone, leaving my hard-working, ever-loving husband feeling inadequate.
Crosses are hard to carry. They're awkward and uncomfortable; they're heavy and huge. They can take all of our focus and leave us lonely, thinking only of our burden. This is how I have felt these past few months and today I realized, thank GOD for these challenges. Why? Because I have been overwhelmingly selfish in my marriage. I have been totally focused on how stressed I am that I have not taken a chance to listen to my husband or taken a chance to try to understand what kind of stress he must be under. I have not been able to logically express how I have been feeling without being angry and blaming someone or something or everyone and everything for the way I feel. And now I know. I realized that I am not the only one carrying a cross and in my family life I am not the only one carrying this cross. I think I am, and sometimes I believe I am actually try to be, carrying it alone in vain but that isn't what marriage is about. I am truly blessed to be faced with challenges that call me to be virtuous. I am blessed with a husband who helps to bring those virtues out of me especially when I do not even realize the opportunity to be virtuous. I am blessed with a crying baby when I find myself crying too because in that moment I have to choose love and patience. Thank God that life can be so hard. |
Megan & JakeHusband and wife who have a passion for their life of raising babies and trying to follow God's will. Archives
February 2017
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