We've been very busy in the Coffman house recently. The end of the school year brings a lot of projects for Jake; not to mention, he just when through the application-interview-accepting the job process for a job down in Bluffton, SC. Although these things are blessings and very good, they take time, energy, discernment, and a little stress. Poor guy is exhausted, but happy, I think.
I, on the other hand, have been filling my time with another session of online teaching, the usual part-time nannying job, chasing the K babe, and recently trying to give my health and fitness another jump start (hopefully to stick this time!). The discernment process and now the moving process has also been stressful for me despite the fact that I am extremely excited for this next chapter of our lives. I get stressed very easily. I feel crushed by to-do lists, yet make them constantly. I get easily frazzled when I have things to get done and a lack of organization skills to figure out how I will get them all done without forgetting something. Even the thought of having responsibilities tends to stress me out - it's ridiculous, I am aware. It is also something I am often down on myself about. "Geeze, Megan, anyone can easily get through life doing the things you do without being so rude to their husband or losing their -ish every five minutes." I have been reflecting recently on my vices; a practice I have been inadvertently doing since my last confession. I have been reflecting on my vices in a different way than I usual do, however. I usually think about all the ways I have failed and I become defeated, wondering how on earth Jake could love me so much, how I even have friends, and that Killian is destined to be doomed. That is NOT what God wants me to do when I examine my conscience, however! I think He gave me the grace to change my self-reflection through the grace of confession a few weeks ago. The way I have been reflecting on myself most recently is by recognizing where I am weak, scared, hurt, overwhelmed, impatient, reactive...all the things, and I have been trying to understand why I feel that or those way(s). It is a journey I am on as we speak, so I don't really have any resolution quite yet. The journey is great though. Allow me to elaborate... I am realizing that it is important for me to challenge myself beyond what I think my capacity is. I am seeking to better myself physically through regular exercise; I know this is the best lifestyle for me both physically and mentally. I have made small goals toward living a better spiritual life. Actually, I made a list of several of my goal there other day. Writing out my goals rather than a to-do list transformed my attitude from, "Oh my gosh I have to get all these things done or else I am a failure" to "These are things I am striving toward whether I execute them perfectly today or in many years from today." Wow. I cannot tell you how much of a relief that was to my perfectionist, anxiety-striken self. I don't give myself much room to not fit perfectly into whatever mold I have expected myself to fit into, and that is foolish. How can I actually be a better person if I am always beating myself down, or not allowing myself a chance to strive toward perfection or, let's say, my goal. Moreover, how proud I am to think my idea of who I am suppose to be is the best. What about who God wants me to be? On Easter Sunday, our pastor gave a beautiful homily talking about how we have struggled and sacrificed all Lent (maybe some of us realize now that we really didn't struggle as much as we should have), and that was suppose to transform us in the risen Christ. He asked, "How has Easter changed you?" I wondered... He also reflected on the faithfulness as well as the failures of some of Jesus' closest friends; namely, Mary Magdalene, Peter, and John, the Beloved Apostle. Peter, the rock of the Catholic Church, failed Jesus after he promised to go even to death with Him! Mary Magdalene, a woman who had been so enveloped in a life of sin that she was possessed with seven demons, and John, a simple man, stuck with Jesus throughout His entire passion and were among the first to see that Jesus had risen from the dead. All three of these people were changed by Jesus. Peter, if you recall, dedicated his whole entire life to proclaiming the risen Jesus from that moment on! He was transformed by Jesus too! Our pastor said this: "Jesus does not call us because of who we are, but He calls us because of who we will become." Boom. So, how has Easter changed me? Well, hopefully into a woman who is striving to be transformed by Christ into the woman God made me to be - be it a woman diligent about her fitness and healthy eating so she can be kinder to her family and those around her, be it a woman of prayer so that she can grow closer to God, be it a woman who allows herself to achieve her goals without becoming crushed by the idea that she's simply not perfect enough. Whoever it is, may I always remember that I am called not because of who I am, but because of who I will become, transformed by Christ. Happy Easter! Alleluia :)
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Megan & JakeHusband and wife who have a passion for their life of raising babies and trying to follow God's will. Archives
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