These past four months have been truly challenging for Jake and me. A turn of events with my previous job set us into a very difficult financial place and it seems that ever since then right when things seem to be manageable life throws another curve ball at us. We love our owning our home and Killian is our greatest gift. We adore being part of the Abbey community and I am blessed to have found an opportunity to financially support my family as well. But I have been angry for the past four months. I have been angry that all these things I love and I am happy to be blessed with seem to be burdens. They keep me from living the easy life I want to live and I find myself resentful and jealous of those who seem to be in an easier situation than Jake and I. I find myself angry at my husband for things beyond his control because my emotions tell me that all this stress is falling on my shoulders and mine alone, leaving my hard-working, ever-loving husband feeling inadequate.
Crosses are hard to carry. They're awkward and uncomfortable; they're heavy and huge. They can take all of our focus and leave us lonely, thinking only of our burden. This is how I have felt these past few months and today I realized, thank GOD for these challenges. Why? Because I have been overwhelmingly selfish in my marriage. I have been totally focused on how stressed I am that I have not taken a chance to listen to my husband or taken a chance to try to understand what kind of stress he must be under. I have not been able to logically express how I have been feeling without being angry and blaming someone or something or everyone and everything for the way I feel. And now I know. I realized that I am not the only one carrying a cross and in my family life I am not the only one carrying this cross. I think I am, and sometimes I believe I am actually try to be, carrying it alone in vain but that isn't what marriage is about. I am truly blessed to be faced with challenges that call me to be virtuous. I am blessed with a husband who helps to bring those virtues out of me especially when I do not even realize the opportunity to be virtuous. I am blessed with a crying baby when I find myself crying too because in that moment I have to choose love and patience. Thank God that life can be so hard.
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Megan & JakeHusband and wife who have a passion for their life of raising babies and trying to follow God's will. Archives
February 2017
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