Sheesh, I really can't stay consistent with my posts can I? Welp, here are some current thoughts and updates on my blessed life.
I have been struggling for almost 4 months now with the idea of sleep training Killian and getting him on a schedule. I graviate so naturally toward attachment parenting styles but there are certainly times I desperately need a handful of minutes to myself; not cleaning, not exercising, not cooking, not bathing or nursing or what have you. Jake and I decided to sleep train Killian about a month and a half ago using the Ferber CIO method. Honestly, I put him to sleep nursing and then let him cry when he woke up from me putting him down and he wimpered for a couple of minutes. It was so easy! We had a great three weeks of that and then he learned to stand and got better at crawling and developed some seperation anxiety and all went to heck. I had also gotten up to nurse Killian in the night. I figured going from co-sleeping and nursing practically all night to nothing at all would be a little tough on the guy so I eased into it. Once this fussy monster came around though, I was missing the nights alone with my husband in our bed.
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Turkey time is mere hours away and my house is ridden with illness. Yet, we're still grateful. Being sick is miserable. Having a sick baby is very miserable. But moments when we all sit sniffling in one bed reading books to the tune of some relaxing music or watching an easy film makes for warm hearts. These moments cause Jake and I to look at each other with a simple smile and say, "I like today. I love you." I also love the holidays. I love the time for family and relaxation. I love how the holidays bring about kindness and generosity. This year I am blessed to spend thanksgiving day with the Coffman clan and the surrounding days with the Fitzpatricks, my side of the fam. This thanksgiving I am definitely most thankful for the gift of my beautiful son and for my amazing husband. I am thankful for the ways having a baby have made Jake and I grow more into the people we are called to be. November marks six months since I gave birth to my first baby. SIX. WHOLE. MONTHS. Can you believe Killian Jacob Coffman is a half of a year old already? I can't and yet I can. He can do so many big baby things now! He crawls, pull himself to standing, babbles all the time, sits up by himself (not the best at this for some reason, but it can be done). He was sleeping in his crib - I attempted to sleep train him but nursed him to sleep and when he woke up (which was once a night except for a few whimpers that lasted mere seconds). Nursing your baby to sleep is a no-no when it comes to sleep training but he was able to put himself back to sleep after crying for a few minutes unless he REALLY wanted to nurse. However, when we thought our heat wasn't working (oh, by the way, Jake and I simply forgot we hadn't had the gas turned on. Adult fail.) we had him snuggle with us in bed for at least half the night. On November 11th, this dear one's half birthday, he decided no more crib for me! And it has been ten days of co-sleeping and napping in mama's arms (or the carseat in the moving car). He will NOT sleep anywhere but next to me and he has to nurse to sleep. I am grateful that I nurse him because it is a magic soother. I figure he's developing a lot right now (crawling, standing, probably ponder walking [please, no.], sitting, eating a few solids....) not to mention he is probably teething so he just needs a little extended mama/breastfeeding time. Jake is getting tired of nearly falling out of bed because Killian, although not even 17lbs, takes up so much space. We head to the pediatrician tomorrow for K's 6 month check up so we will discuss sleep training methods then. I just have such a hard time with cry-it-out. I have tried it so many times but give up so quickly (except for that magical time when he randomly didn't fight sleep in his crib). I give MAJOR props to moms who are successful with this method. You are strong and wonderful. Maybe one day I will be successful with it or maybe I'll let K grow out of this precious snuggle stage. I am definitely not going to even try while he's sick; poor boy. And then he stopped sleeping in his crib and starting truly crawling, and crawling well, and pulling himself up to standing all at once. Love this boy. I am embarrassed by how poorly I have kept up with Fitness Fridays. *Blush* I am not sure what I weigh right now; probably the same as the last time. I have not been eating exceptionally healthy, but not horribly either. I have not worked out since Thursday with the exception of a slow 20 minute walk on Friday. Before this wretched cold attacked my system, I just started the third week of a "Flat Belly Challenge!" I found on Pinterest. I am not a huge fan of this challenge. It is very repetitive, although scrambles up the workouts throughout the week, and they are short - 15:40 to be exact. The exercises are challenging but seem too short to be very productive in my opinion. In any event I'd like to see the challenge through once I feel strong enough and possibly add a little extra to the workout.
Jake and I have been looking into Whole30 recently. A friend of ours read the book and did Whole30 with her family. She said it was life changing and encouraged us to read the book. I got the book from the library and I was amazed with how different Whole30 is from what I had thought. Its not another "fad" diet. Its more or less a cleanse to heal your body (gut) and help you find what food fuels you best. We are considering tackling the challenge January. Whole30 includes so many challenges that will be good for Jake and I. Namely, meal planning and being very intentional with what we eat. I am excited and very nervous all at once. Well there you have it folks! Happy Thanksgiving! Do you recall in my first post how I described some of the dust I kick around in my day to day life? Namely high utility bills and bugs in my house? Well the list has expanded exponentially since that post. Okay, maybe I am being terribly dramatic but I am beginning to feel like I cannot catch a break. I have been pondering the stress of buying a second car recently. Not because we need a second car or are actually looking into purchasing a second car but because I am afraid that we simply will not be able to ever afford one. I can't imagine adding another monthly payment to our tight budget. More car insurance, a possible car payment, another gas payment...I shutter. God must have been poking at my heart, giving me the opportunity to mentally prepare for the day when we would just have to buy a new car and not a second car, one to replace the only, single car we own. Unfortunately today is the day...or hopefully a few days from now (fingers crossed that I can make it to and from work tomorrow!). It seems eery to see that I have been thinking about how stressful this day would be and here it is. I struggle to understand what God's promptings upon my heart were asking me to do. I know I am suppose to simply trust Him. We always seem to make it through some how or another but my "trust" feels more like not reacting to the situation at all. I feel kind of numb like I am refusing to face reality because I don't want to shatter. A few weeks ago the new pay laws threatened my family with an unfavorable future and I started to panic. The day we found out the Gospel was, "Ask and you shall receive." I find that this theme must be turning these worrisome days in to a spiritual journey blessing. Trusting God and His mysterious ways is not easy for anyone. I for one have trouble with even knowing how to trust Him but I feel as though right now in these trying times (did I mention our heat doesn't work either?) I am called to ask God for help. I might not even know what he wants me to ask him for but I still must ask and be in relationship with him through prayer. I can ask him for the money to fix my house, or for a new car without financial strain, I can ask him to win the lottery and I can also ask him for the grace to accept his will and for the grace to unite my suffering with His. I can ask him for peace and for the grace to thank him for these trials because of the mysterious blessing they probably are, unknowingly to me. Oh God, you make beautiful things out of dust. Make something beautiful out of me and all my duties. Amen. Wearing Killian while he naps so he doesn't freeze to death in his crib.
My apologies for taking a nearly three week sabbatical. My house is still a wreck from the signs of an over worked mama and her hard working, super tired husband and wild baby. We had a wedding this past weekend uniting two of our dear friends and hosted lovely visitors as well. I also had a fuller work week than usual.
What has mom life been like for me these past (almost) three weeks... We moved Killian to his crib! We started off attempting to sleep training using CIO but ended up being more gentle and he still has been doing well. Killian has also been chomping on some banana at dinner time the past few days and Jake is skeptical that the sugar is keeping him from getting to sleep at his usual 9:30 bed time. He has been waking up around 11:45, 2AM which is unusual and relentlessly crying until I nurse him. Aside from being horribly exhausted, I can tell it is what he needs right now and it won't be like this forever. My positive mindset in difficult times like those is to treasure the snuggles because one day I will miss them. Jake and I have been toying with the idea of getting a sitter some day soon. We have welcomed a bit of advice from friends encouraging us to step out alone for a quick treat to test the waters. Hopefully I can muster the courage soon because this mama needs a break and this couple needs a date! My fitness / health journey continues with this fun 15 day challenge by Mommy Trainer:
http://www.idealfit.com/mommy-trainer.list
The challenge truly pushed me to my potential and beyond. I am trying to follow her meal plan as well but as I find it a little repetitive and sometimes bland, I've mixed it up just a tad. I also had a bunch of milk (meaning from cows) in week one which i used in place of almond milk. I do feel good and I sweat like an absolute pig every day! I love the variety and quickness of her workouts and the challenge, although sometimes discourages me because knowing you're not that strong can be humbling, has been beneficial for me. Sunday I weighed in at 168.4. I am slowly going down, and getting stronger as I had hoped.
Baby is awake from his nap and it is time for me to run to my afternoon nanny job! Until next time... It's Friday again! Today has been a great day! As much as I wanted to start my exciting day off with my workout I was busy preparing for moms group. Instead I got a nice, energizing workout in after all the mamas and their cute boys left.
Today was a tough workout! Today is day 25 of my fitness and health journey and this workout certainly tested my limits. Yesterday I realized that a lot of fitness challenges advertise HIIT workouts so I questioned the trusty Google for some information. Turns out the fitness journey I have embarked on has "high intensity interval training" and I can attest that HIIT gives you a phenomenal workout. I have found that doing quick, intense workouts helps me to get a great workout without throwing in the towel. I believe the rapid change helps me complete a satisfying and challenging workout. Eating this week has been very challenging. I nanny part time for a great family but their pantry has so many tempting treats I often want to eat. Thankfully I can tell myself this food is not mine but being around the treats makes eating healthy at home harder. Needless to say I have eaten more carbs than I would have liked to, especially today. However, like I said in my first fitness Friday post, if I am successful 80% of the time that is something to be proud of. I also need to remind myself that eleminating carbs is not the method of diet I have chosen. I have slowly been trying to incorporate prayer into my health and fitness in a very casual manner and I must say I am more joyful in the midst of health and fitness challenges. Praying about my health and fitness has also encouraged me to bring all challenging aspects of my life to prayer. I am on a journey for sure! That is my update! And here are my numbers: Pre-Preg : 163 Six week PP: 175 Last week weigh in: 170 Today (Day 25): 169 (whoot whoot!) And here is Killian while I was exercising 😄 These past four months have been truly challenging for Jake and me. A turn of events with my previous job set us into a very difficult financial place and it seems that ever since then right when things seem to be manageable life throws another curve ball at us. We love our owning our home and Killian is our greatest gift. We adore being part of the Abbey community and I am blessed to have found an opportunity to financially support my family as well. But I have been angry for the past four months. I have been angry that all these things I love and I am happy to be blessed with seem to be burdens. They keep me from living the easy life I want to live and I find myself resentful and jealous of those who seem to be in an easier situation than Jake and I. I find myself angry at my husband for things beyond his control because my emotions tell me that all this stress is falling on my shoulders and mine alone, leaving my hard-working, ever-loving husband feeling inadequate.
Crosses are hard to carry. They're awkward and uncomfortable; they're heavy and huge. They can take all of our focus and leave us lonely, thinking only of our burden. This is how I have felt these past few months and today I realized, thank GOD for these challenges. Why? Because I have been overwhelmingly selfish in my marriage. I have been totally focused on how stressed I am that I have not taken a chance to listen to my husband or taken a chance to try to understand what kind of stress he must be under. I have not been able to logically express how I have been feeling without being angry and blaming someone or something or everyone and everything for the way I feel. And now I know. I realized that I am not the only one carrying a cross and in my family life I am not the only one carrying this cross. I think I am, and sometimes I believe I am actually try to be, carrying it alone in vain but that isn't what marriage is about. I am truly blessed to be faced with challenges that call me to be virtuous. I am blessed with a husband who helps to bring those virtues out of me especially when I do not even realize the opportunity to be virtuous. I am blessed with a crying baby when I find myself crying too because in that moment I have to choose love and patience. Thank God that life can be so hard. This weekend was Belmont Abbey's homecoming which was very fun and exciting. We saw a lot of old friends and their new babies. Needless to say I never got around to writing my Friday post I promised.
I have been juggling opposing ideas in my head this past week in regards to my health and fitness journey. I suppose I am a little disheartened and I am not quite sure why, exactly. I am about 9 days away from completing my first 30 day fitness challenge and I am proud of myself. I have been sticking to my workouts and they have been challenging me. I feel good! But this weekend I didn't strive to eat healthy and allowed myself several "cheats." I knew I had to be okay with cheating if I was going to allow myself and I feel ready on this beautiful Monday to pick up where I left off. However, those little thoughts creep into my head asking me if I will be strong enough to continue. Will I keep working out after I complete the wonderfully structured 30 day challenge is complete? Will I just do the challenge over and over again even when I need to move on to a more difficult challenge? Will I be consistently motivated to cook healthy meals for me and my family every day? These challenges are hard and I am afraid of failure. I want to be healthy and fit and truly balanced. I think what is missing is my prayer life. I feel anxious about many things. "Martha, Martha, you are anxious about many things...And Mary has chosen the greater part." Ah-ha. I cannot keep this journey to myself or do it alone. I need to keep Christ at the center of this journey. I need to keep considering His will as I try to answer the questions I have and as I try to conquer my challenges. Just like motivating myself to prepare healthy meals and exercise daily I struggle to pray with purpose every day. This is something I need to add to my fitness and health journey. Progress: Pre-preg: 163 6 week PP: 175 Last weigh in: 170 weight (day 21): 170 Upgrades: God Above is the last picture of me before Killian was born. I was probably about 37 weeks pregnant here.
Ever since I knew what a baby was I loved them. I am the youngest in my family and I would have been perfectly happy to be surrounded by several other little siblings. I constantly asked my parents to have more kids. Once that ship had sailed and I also realized the Lord was not calling me to a spiritual motherhood through religious life, I dreamed of becoming a mama one day. Jake and I have never truly used NFP to avoid pregnancy but were not necessarily trying to get pregnant early in our marriage either. If it happened, wonderful; it not, so be it. After a few months of some wacky cycles we decided I should start charting incase I had any trouble getting pregnant. Low and behold I was diagnosed with mild PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) due to high testosterone, a high BMI, and some really insane NFP charts with no ovulation present. I was blessed to work with a NaPro technology doctor who put me on a very low carb diet. I was allowed to eat 30 grams of carbs a day. Let me tell you, some granola bars have more than 30 grams of carbohydrates so needless to say the diet was challenging. I was ecstatic to find out that about two months after I started dieting and exercising, I was pregnant with Killian. Jake and I were so happy. I couldn't wait to start showing and feeling K move. I could have done without throwing up for the first 15 weeks but even that was reassurance that my baby was healthy and growing inside me. I really enjoyed being pregnant, minus the throwing up. I remember the first time I knew I felt Killian move was at the anatomy ultrasound. He was going insane inside me and I couldn't believe I wasn't able to feel all the action when suddenly he kicked really hard and I was able to see and feel him. What an extraordinary experience! Toward the end of my pregnancy he was so active and he was quickly losing space so the nausea was creeping back. The final days of pregnancy were not exactly my favorite because having a human inside you who is big enough to not live inside you anymore isn't very comfortable. I was also extremely eager to see my baby boy. Today I strolled across an Instagram of a birth and newborn photographer and although her pictures were a bit graphic I loved them. Childbirth is incredible and beautiful. Giving birth was easily the most difficult thing I have ever done but I love it more because of that. Seeing that baby for the first time and embarking on the amazing journey of raising them is the best gift in the world. Not to mention having your husband love you through your whole labor and delivery. I still love babies except now I love my baby and my family and I am excited to continue to have babies. There truly is nothing so special than loving your child and deepening your love with your spouse by having children. I will admit Jake and I "fight" more now than ever but we're all the better for it and its not Killian's fault. If anything, Killian helps us expose our vices and gives us opportunities to grow in virtue. I love my life. Those are my happy thoughts for the week. Enjoy my awkward videos? Great!
Here is my journey so far: Pre-pregnancy weight: 163 Post-pregnancy (At 6 weeks postpartum visit): 175 Weight at beginning of my health and fitness journey: 174 Weight today (day 11): 170 Balanced diet: I try to eat a balanced diet of protein, fat, and carbohydrates. I aim for 100% but I expect and am okay with achieving my health goals 80% of the time. Meal-time: Breakfast - whole milk Greek yogurt with fruit and granola bar OR bacon and eggs with or without multi grain sourdough or butternut squash hash browns Lunch - multi grain sourdough salami sandwich and an apple OR tuna with salad OR like today: apple, salami, Wisconsin cheddar, tortilla chips, black bean hummus. Dinner - steak fajita salad with some tortilla chips or beans, one pan chicken: sweet pots, chicken thighs, asparagus...I like easy "one dish" sort of meals. I also often cook my husband up some rice, biscuits, or buy tortillas for him since he isn't a sweet potato, bean - eater like myself. Snacks - apple and natural peanut butter or almond butter, handful of nuts or tasty trail mix, yogurt and fruit, granola bar, a glass of milk (is that weird?) Exercise: I have been following a 30 day fitness challenge I found on Pinterest! The author for the blog has graciously allowed me to share the challenge with you all! The 30 Day Fit For Fall challenge can be found: http://www.theseasonedmom.com/fit-fall-30-day-workout-plan-healthy-eating-challenge/ Observations: I have found that I really, truly do need to eat some kind of carbohydrate while nursing. I can kick a craving but I feel much too weak and end up ravenous. I have also found that if i allow myself a little bread or a few tortilla chips with my hummus that i don't over indulge. Since i am allowing myself those carbohydrates I have an easier time refusing ice cream for dessert too. What is my goal? I hope to create a habit of healthy thinking. I want to want to be regularly active in some fashion. I want to crave an apple and peanut butter more often than I crave cupcakes. I want to foster an environment for my family where there is a variety of complex and nutritious foods eaten daily and exercise is simply a part of life. I do want to lose weight as well and fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes again. I also want to get to a place where my PCOS won't effect my ability to get pregnant again in the future. Most importantly I want to be positive about my body. I want to speak kindly about myself especially in front of my children. I want health to be important but vanity to be a vice. I want to be patient, humble, kind and loving so that my children will see and imitate those virtues. This June when my new born baby was six weeks old my husband and I moved into our first house. We bought our house because we were living in a one bedroom apartment, paying rent to a dead-end. We wanted to build equity; we had to move anyways. The house charmed us immediately! It has arch ways you only expect to see in a 1940s home and thick trim on the light blue walls. The bathroom, although small, has the cutest floor tiles and the kitchen was recently flipped; replaced with Ikea products, according to the realtor. The house has a yard we hope to fence in the future and an attic that might turn into a loft. We experienced love at first sight with this house.
On move in day the air conditioning was not working and I was a little nervous about some of the crime reports from the adjacent streets. Despite the original "awe," a few thoughts about purchasing my first home have haunted my mind since then and my postpartum hormones have not helped. The move in was not easy; I had a brand new baby. My electricity bills make me cringe once a month and I've seen one too many bugs on the wrong side of the door. But its my new home. Something in my heart changed the other day as I walked around my new neighborhood on a humid morning. Maybe it was the progesterone shots flowing through my body in an attempt to ease some postpartum anxiety symptoms. However, what I realized was that much like myself, my home and my neighborhood are a diamond in the rough. We're both a little dusty and require some hard work to find our beauty and shine. It has always been there - it was created with beauty in mind - but just needs to be loved on. When God created the world He saw everything as good and beautiful. When He made man and woman He saw us as very good, very beautiful. When God created you, or me, or any person He loved him into existence and created a very beautiful person. What was God telling us in Gen. 3:19? After Adam and Eve sinned God reminded them that they were created out of nothing. They came from the dirt He created and now they must toil in the dirt to survive on account of their sin. Every Ash Wednesday we are reminded that we too are dust and to dust we shall return. Why? Because we have been disobedient too and we were made out of love intentionally by God from nothing. We did not have to be created; we were literally loved into existence and we completely owe our life to our Heavenly father. "And to dust [we] shall return." Life is hard! I do not like that the creepy crawlers of the Carolinas easily make way into my home (A lady bug just showed up...I'm in-doors) and that my utility bill is astronomical because my house lacks sufficient insulation. This is some of the dirt I toil in. Much like my neighborhood and my little 1940s home, I am a diamond in the rough. I am a fallen human. I am dust made into a daughter of the king and now a wife and mother through my vocation! I fall short time and time again and sometimes my life is hard for reasons I do not understand. I am not called to return to dust, I choose it in my failures just like Adam and Eve did when they disobeyed. I am called to reach out to my Heavenly Father, offer Him my suffering and ask Him to show me the beauty He created me in and for. Just like a diamond in the rough I need Him to show me what my beauty is because the dust clouds my vision. What are my talents and gifts? What are my blessings? He has shown me time and time again who I am despite the dust but first I have to realize that I too am dust and to dust I have and I will return. |
Megan & JakeHusband and wife who have a passion for their life of raising babies and trying to follow God's will. Archives
February 2017
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